Q. A Hindu boyfriend converting to Islam. Issues with last rites in hindu culture
Hi, I have no other options left. I have a major problem that I do not know who to address it too. I hope that you can shed some light to it.
I am 27 yrs old and I have a Hindu boyfriend who is 28 years old and we have been together for about 14 yrs since secondary school. He knows that he has to convert in order to start a family with me. The concern that we have now is if he converts, he will not be able to do the last rites for his parents. He is the eldest son of two siblings. He has a younger sister who is 20 yrs old.
I am not severing his ties with his family members as that is one of his parents fears. I am certainly aware that nothing can cut a son's ties with his family. We will definitely come to give our last respects. Just for your information, I get along fine with his side of the family. The only objection that they have is the conversion due to the final rites issues.
I want to know that if he did not conduct it, what are the Hinduism views on such act? Can other family members do it on his behalf? Is that a great sin?Will God forgive him for doing as such and will his parents' soul able to rest in peace? My way of preyers will certainly be available all the times.
I am truly serious about my queries. He has not been giving me a clear picture of what is required of him? Alternatively, I will be very thankful if you can direct my queries to other organisations. I am very sorry to address my queries to you and taking up so much of your time. I am waiting forward for your reply.
FIrst of all, you must understand you're NOT the only one who had faced such a sensitive and delicate issue pertaining religion, so that you won't feel let down. The most important thing to help you is a verse from the Quran;
"There shall be no compulsion in [acceptance of] the religion. The right course has become clear from the wrong. So whoever disbelieves in tâghût and believes in Allâh has grasped the most trustworthy handhold with no break in it. And Allâh is Hearing and Knowing." (2:256)
The reason I quote this verse to you is for 3 reasons:
1) Really really get your bf to talk and discuss. Guys are stubborn in nature, which is good and bad. But in such issues he must make a firm decision for his future, because regret in marriage is a worst ending. You both need each other's moral support, and false promises are not good in a start of marriage. Truth becomes clear from error, so take this problem as a start in a marriage commitment :)
2) To be frank, there are some who marry without conveting, so both couples maintain their religion, Actually in long term run such marriage can pose serious problem(s), especially when you had children and family obligations or rights problem. Often inter-marriage couples overlook this issue before they start to settle down, and this problems happens for any culture or religion between the two. Do talk to your bf seriously on this issue on marriage, and so far, im happy that you take this conversion matter seriously :)
2) The best way to take a step for him before understanding a new religion is to learn one. Take Darul Arqam or MUIS for example. Attend a short course to give him a step stone towards understanding Islam before conversion, and let him decide for himself. "Forcing" a man to any ideas is not a great idea you know :) Most important, moral support and positive encouragement to each other :)
Hope it's good enough for you. All the best for both of you and be patient and positive. Prayers and dua helps a lot spiritually and also life, so don't forget Allah in this hardship of time. Take care qiara20, and my regards to your bf too :) Assalamualaikum.
1st, what is a last rites?
Below is the general idea on what it is.
Hindus generally cremate their dead. the body of the departed is given a bath and dressed in fresh clothes. Fragrant sandlewood paste is applied to the corpse, which is then decorated with flowers and garlands, followed by a small amount of gold dust sprinkled on different parts of the head and face. After some purificatory scriptural chants and worship rituals, the body is placed on the funeral pyre facing either north or south.
A close relative of the departed lights some kindling and walks around the pyre chanting a prayer for the well being of the departed soul. Then he lights the funeral pyre after touching the mouth of the departed with kindling.
In larger cities bodies are cremated in modern crematoria. The ashes are later put in a holy river or sea.
The body of a Hindu saint is not usually cremated but put in a grave or buried in water.
2nd, if you notice here, If your muslim boyfriend perform this last rites it will be against the fundamentals of Iman, Tauhid and Shirk (ISLAMIC MONOTHEISM) in islam.
There's chanting and prayer involve here which is prayer to other than Allah and so on. I'm not a scholar or an imaam, but there's worship involve in this rites and that is shirk. So that's a no no.
In the Hinduism point of view, i can't answer except for giving you those link above and i'm sure you can research more on Hindu last rites online. The best is to ask your boyfriend if the ritual can be perform by other male in his family, like the grandson ( not yours), grandfather or maybe a daughter in some instances.
If your boyfriend is serious in reverting to Islam, he will have to worship other than Allah even if that means not performing the rites. That is something he has to willingly give up even if it upsets his parents. Islam says that we do not need to listen to your parents wishes if it's against the religion.
The above post gave some good suggestion for you to discuss with your boyfriend. Hope it works out, Inshallah.
Hope you keep in touch with the website with your outcome of relationship problems (not to intrude your privacy or life, apologize if you feel that way) . Do share with us your experiences on such issues so many others who would be facing similar problems hear their view on people like you :)
While Sultana's view is correct, do not take hindu's as generally bad or evil people. I'm sure judging by your post your hindu bf must be very commited and understanding.
The simple thing about Islam is just God(Allah) wants every human to worship him alone and not by idols or through a humans as middle partner, just like in Al-Fatihah(The Opening) bverse , "To thee alone we worship, to thee alone I seek for help" (1:4).. Condemning other religion through disrespect or discrimination is against Islam, rather instead welcome a non-muslim through respect, logic, proper reasoning. So do potray positive outlook on Islam slowly to your bf, so he wont feel forced or irritated. Patience and it takes time, but anyone feels it more appreciated than the opposite :)
yea what Fariz said is right. We would like to hear from you in future and also your comments on this. That what this website is about a community to support each other.
hi... well i m a hindu n m 15 years old... i currently have a guyfwen who is a malay... n v are very serious abt bringing it till the end... I hav 2 convert to islam religion n m very fine with it.. i think in a few days time, i'll be saying the shahada to convert my religion... my parents will never agree with it but i have no choice left... it doesnt matter... As a hindu, i kinda have little knowledge abt my own religion itself... from wat i know, i think other relatives can also perform the last rites... Just dun confuse yrself with these problems... Yr guy has to convert to islam to marry u... Both of you love each other, and please don't let confusions stir up trouble in yr relationship... be happy and start a family with him... And i wish you all the best luck in this world... hehe...tc<<
Hmm..Bhuva's view is ok. It depends on the choice you take.
Just remember to consider your choices carefully :) . Be it you convert or not, as long you know what you are doing.
But most importantly, be responsible for your own actions. Many a times people after making a mistake, start pointing 'fingers', meaning blame at others. It's immature and if I may say, someone with little conviction on him or herself.
Be take life positively and headstrong k? :) Bless you ( means Salaam in malay)
hi qiara20, i think you can approach Darul Arqam for this issue, in term of getting advice or counselling. maybe they have similar cases which they can share.
from what i heard (from my school mates), for a hindu son to convert to other religion, their parents will strongly object to it, correct me if i wrong
welcome to the Deen of Islam. congrats to your conversion. If you need support please contact one of our member here. Mehboob. This organization was set up by a few reverts as well, so they will know what you need.
Assalamualaikum to all..
firstly thanks a lot as u guys took time off frm yr busy schedule to talk abt my issue.im grateful for all advices given and views shared. i am here to tell all of u abt the developments of my so called'problem'. i hv been busy with sch and thus its the hols now so i hv e time to update all of u.
i think its time for me to let go of what i hv been holding on all these yrs. my man is not ready to embrace Islam when all along he thought he was. i thought so too. he knows what was expected of him in Islam but he jus couldnt. he went for the intro by Darul Arqam and he was confused. i understand his situation. my side has been pressing us to move on and things get ugly when mum said there was another guy asking for my hand. he had to rush and moved fast when my initial plan was to let him take it up when he himself is ready. frm there he seriously talked to his parents abt conversion, i was present too. both of them was into civil marriage and of course its a no frm me. they hv given permission for their son to marry a muslim girl and it takes them a great deal to accept me as their future daughter in law. im gaining points on their side but thing is we get married but my man does not need to convert. we had tried to make them understan but to no avail as many ppl out there are doing it so they cant see why i cant.i am in love with a filial son. he was torn between two women that he loves most. of course mum's love will win. he was getting even more confused and stressed as both of us are pulling him over with each of our love. this year he did fire walking and he did not hide it frm me. he had dreams bout his God and thus he went in search of answers. with no support frm my side, its hard for me to fight the battle alone. he told me he cant do it. i was devastated. never in my wildest dreams that this would happen. we love each other deeply and i know its true feelings. but now its a question of faith. i cant force him into doing something he is not comfortable. in future thats going to be worst. its so painful for both of us as according to plan we should have settled down and start a family as he is 28 and im 27 already. suddenly at this age i lost my love, how do i ever love again? we are separated because of religion. i still love islam as no matter how open i may be in other areas, civil marriage is the extreme for me. at first i feel im losing half my mind. luckily its the hols now and i can rest my mind. the memories that we both had will be treasured deep in me. may Allah gave me the strength to live each day and open my heart to love another man again. i so dream of becoming a mother but will there ever be a guy like him?(of course, muslim) its so hard for me there are so many flashbacks keep haunting me. its not easy on him either. he immersed himself in work and im truly worried bout his life. marriage is not his life purpose now. we still keep in contact but of course not as much as before u cant expect yrs of love to be destroyed and memories forgoten in a matter of months. its not that one of us was being unfaithful. it hurts deeply! im sure Allah knows how much love we have for each other. of course love for Allah is greater and thats why i dint elope with him and be sinful for the rest of my generations. im also thankful that to be with a Hindu man and he managed to save me my pride by not making me pregnant during the yrs we are together, unlike many muslim couples who cant resist the temptation.. how sad... he was just borned as a Hindu. everything else was so perfect..do i need to elaborate on how great our love is? figure it out yourselves. its easy to give advices but the one going thru it all....
-MAy the love we share gives today its meaning, tomorrow its promises and forever its dreams-how appropriate that was!
pls note that i hv never hated his family or mum as maybe, whatever happens, happen for a reason. pls pray for both of us to make all into a gd ending. the thing here im losing a boyfren and also a dearest best friend in my life! which is sadder? Wassalam
hey bhava, i am just wondering, your parents are against the idea of you being muslim, will they throw you out of the house? and if they do, where will you reside? i have a bf too and he's hindu anyway.
Qiara20,
I am sorry to hear about your pain. I wish things had worked out for the two of you. Best of luck for the future. i am sure you will find someone better. God has better things in store for you.
I understand. A person has the final choice on his decision in life.
During my personal study of Islam, I encountered many obstacles myself. People I interact around in the web and forums often challenged my faith, of course on concept of Islam. People say Allah is uncompromising, (meaning not resonable), promote violence and dissention (discrimination), no loving qualities (which usually asserted by Christian fellowship and missionaries though some are apologetic), and also gender preferences.
However, let's be honest, since when in history does human 'intervention' and 'compromising' the Divine Revelation by the Supreme Creator made life for everyone any better ? At the very moment humans started interpreting and imposing new ideas for their 'brand' of religion (for social and self-emotional gain, political/military advantage, mystical and occultic innovations ), the religious belief or the tenant of faith becomes deteriorated, absurb, and diluted by time. Islam, like other world religions and other philosophical/scientific-sociological beliefs, have been affected to a considerable effect due to assimilation of cultures and civilization. Yet to the greatest love, the Holy Quran, (Furqan) remains a spiritual duty for Muslims to protect the Will of God, no matter how divided and estranged the relationship we Muslims may have.
A guess , the main reason I remained a practising Muslim, despite the bias and discriminating remark on Quran on the orientalist and islamic critics persisted to make their 'claims' to the poor factor. Just like qiara20, I feel her faith is challenged by the society and emotional pressure, so have strength and patience in God and determination. Do not give up, whether you both would successfully accept each other or finding a true partner. Maybe, for a start, you could learn his Hindu concept of belief (as Hinduism is not as simple as Islam really, it's a relatively vast diversed belief just like Christianity, there's no one form of concept in Hinduism or Christianity in present times). And learn Islam and share and discuss difference, it's a step to learn. As a personal note, I feel you are still strong and commited, it is your strength and don't lose it in any problems and life situation you choose in your life. Salaam :) and blessings to you and your family.
Bhuva: i heard you have to be 18 to convert or at least get your parent's consent? my advice is don't rush into things for all the wrong reasons. take your time. it took me years and years and years and a few other muslim boyfriends before i finally decided to really convert of my own free will. [perhaps it was just the fact i hate all the other forcing me, and i like how my hubby-to-be never ever forced me into converting]. you're only 15, so young and pure. take your time, that's my advice. embrace Islam for Islam and Allah, not for a man.
Qiara20: hon, you've been through a lot and i really think you're one strong girl. InshyAllah, things will work out. every thing is a test. the harder you fall, the sweeter the reward. may things work out for the both of you. if the love is true, it will never falter. good luck.
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NICE TO MEET YOU (doris_philo@yahoo.com)
My name is Doris i saw your profile today at (www.nasibriyanilounge.com) and became interested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an email to my email address so.Here is my email address(doris_philo@yahoo.com) I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.(Remeber the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life).
Thanks
Doris (doris_philo@yahoo.com)
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