I got married to someone who is of a different culture to mine. It was a challenge from the moment I decided to get married to him. :) The most challenging for me was the in-laws and catering to their needs from the very beginning. I don't think i'm facing this challenges because i'm of a different culture, but it's a norm in a marriage for these things to be considered on how to manage.
Marriage is in itself is a culture shock no matter if you have the same culture or not. coz each of you will have a different family background to start with. The person who you marry need to understand what each other expectation of the marriage are. You will discover this as you progress in your marriage. Talk about your differences as much as you can before getting married.
Like in terms of where to stay, how does the household work, who manages the money, who cooks and clean, children, in laws, visiting family..etc
Like for instance, in some culture, husbands leaving their wife at home regularly or for a long duration of time while he goes out and do his stuff or for his 'business' travel or meeting is acceptable. But where i come from that act is consider irresponsible. So there are many things need to be discussed on what is acceptable and what is not. And you will notice these things while you are in a marriage with someone and not before marriage.
I take that if someone is willing to get married to start with, that means that they are committed to have a successful marriage regardless how 'different' you might find your partner as.
A marriage needs compassion, and willingness to open your heart to different opinion and approaches. If you or your spouse rule your marriage with a rod, be assure that you are gonna end up with 2 possibilities. an unhappy and unfulfilled marriage or a divorce.
I married someone from a different culture. The experience so far is indeed rewarding. The diversity, the knowledge, the mystery and the learning for the children is very rich. At the end of the day, it is up to you to accept the fact that Allah indeed created different shades for us to choose and enjoy in a proper manner. Prejudice basically means pre-judging. We may have carried different opinions of different cultures but we need to accept the fact that it could be very similar when you are in it or even better than your current one. Blend them up and find the best of both worlds. This is indeed rewarding.
Hm so far, marrying to anyone is as good as marrying to another cultural background, in terms of ur spouse's family habits and daily life. I guess probably the early years of marriage was probably focused to get used to ur in-laws.
:(
Perhaps as Sultana and Mehboob has already explained, commitment and understanding plays a HUGE part, especially when major different racial or cultural apects of life is concerned (interracial or intercultural marriage). But easier said than done, of course if ur going to be in the same boat as them, you have to get prepared....
Meanwhile, I'm not married yet (so much of a help ..haha :) ). Focusing with work, studies, life, rnr (especially) and the same time, broadening my knowledge in religion and science, um.. not to forget love and family of coz :) ...Life is life, so try to make good and fruitfull use of my life each day in the face of Allah :) Marriage, money or children isnt everything in this world...so live wise and hav a broad mind in life. I finalize my reply with a verse from the Quran.
003.014 Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet: Women and sons; Heaped-up hoards of gold and silver; horses branded (for blood and excellence); and (wealth of) cattle and well-tilled land. Such are the possessions of this world's life; but in nearness to Allah is the best of the goals (To return to).
Al-Qur'an, 003.014 (Aal-E-Imran [The Family of Imran])
I have to say thank you to those who resonded so far. I am curious about the attitudes that people have on this subject. I am from the US originally and many Muslims there have the stick to your own kind menality to the point that they see marrying outside their own culture as being dishonorable. Some even see it as a sin.
wow. I didn't know that mentality still exists till this day.
I guess everything depends on your own perspective. though I strongly agree with fariz's comment about the in-laws! they can be so................................... sometimes.
People should just learn to be more accepting of others' cultural backgrounds. They think that just because i've converted to Islam, I have to take on ALL the malay cultures and influences too. They say it's all in a package. But I have my doubts as to whether sometimes what they say i MUST do are actually MUST's at all or just according to them.
Oh and they also expect me to forget about all my Chinese culture. I understand about the having to dress up less revealing and not eating or consuming certain foods or drinks but i mean... to the extend they force me to shift out of my house because my family is not muslim!
My fiance works 24hr shifts. We had the agreement that after our wedding, we'd rent a unit together but on days he's working, I would come back to my parents house to stay. And mother-in-law OBJECTED VIOLENTLY coz she says i would not have GUIDANCE at home because my family are not malay and not muslim. =( i feel very distraught at the fact that i can no longer spend time with my family.
She once even wanted to send me to a home like Jamiyah or something.Ii understand her good efforts but it seems like she's just trying to tear me away from my folks and it hurts a lot.
Hello.
My Name is Fify I was impressed when i saw your profile at www.nasibriyanilounge.com and will like you to email me back to my inbox so that i can send you my picture for you to know who i am.i belive we can establishe a long lasting relation ship with you.In addition,i will like you to reply me through my private e mail box (fify05@ymail.com).
This is because i dont know the possibilities of
remainning in form for a long time.
Thanks,waiting to hear from you soonest.
Fify.
Faith Hub
www.faithhub.com
