Hi.
I'm wondering - is engagement compulsory in Muslim or Malay traditions?
From what I understand about this ceremony, it's all about visiting done by my BF's parents to my parent's house. Is that correct?
The point is that my parents live on the opposite side of the planet and not gonna visit me in the next 2 years. :)
Without them being here, I don't think this ceremony really make any sense.
What do you think?
I prefer not to do it. I'd better save money for the wedding. :) enough of expenses here and there.
But his parents want to do it...
So, is it compulsory or we can get married without it?
thanks in advance.
salaam nuar,
1) About compulsory in engagement in malay culture? Yes, in Malay definitely.
2)Your parent is the other side of planet? Which side is that?
3) About the culture not making sense haha, well that culture. Santa Claus anybody. Well culture in one sense brought community and cultural morals in one package. It someone does not agree, that individual. Neither is it wrong to practise it out of heritage pride. Just like in Syria, there are Christians and Muslims (yes, I am not wrong) who spoke Aramaic, the language of Christ Jesus, son of Mary. They feel a strong heritage in it, even though it is an almost dead and non-living language today.
4) Yes, parents also played a 'strong par't in marriage. Maybe you should give your views on opinions to them. Be firm and strong in your discussion, and not use emotionally charged sentences and discussing with parents, as it only provokes arguments.
well, I simply meant that following this tradition without my parents being here doesn't make any sense.
And my parents are in Eastern Europe, and they are not gonna come her for engagement. Maybe they will come for wedding, if no unpredictable circumstances occur. :)
my parents are ok with our marriage, it's not an issue at all, but due to some things, it's not that easy to bring them here, and also I don't feel like spending money for engagement, so I think we will omit this part....
anyway, marrige is just one day, and why to make so much fuss about it.
Well, it's ok it's your point of view. Just speak to your partner concerning your opinions, and I'm sure you both could come into common terms. Mostly importantly, you should not hide your concerns.
And yeah, marriage is a fuss. Believe me, I seeing my brother getting married soon, and yet is sounds like my parents are running the whole 'show'...can't imagine how my brother is feeling<sigh>
Well, one thing I could summarize, it that parents are parents. They always wanted to have a say in anything, and it's something which a son/daughter has a right to listen, at least before you start giving your views.
well, my partner is ok with having no engagement. it's only his mother is telling that we should get engaged before we get married. but it looks like she hasn't brought up this matter for a long time already, maybe she forgot about it. luckily. :)
we don't want a big wedding. my parents suggest we do just a registration, and save money for more meaningful things. but my bf's parents, especially mother are very much into a big wedding with over 1000 guests.... :)
so, not so much choice left... :) anyway, thanks for your answers.
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