Assalamualikum,
I am a Pakistani Hanafi muslim (prospective bridegroom) in Singapore. I would InsahaAllah be wedding a Malay speaking Indian Muslimah (mix) who follow Malay traditions. I completely prefer to conduct the marriage according to Sunnah without any unislamic Pakistani/Indian customs being involved.
I have been told by the girl side, that the way Malay marriage in Singapore works, is that I would be required to pay XYZ amount of money to the girl's family, and then leave the ENTIRE wedding preparation matters to the girl's family. This XYZ money I have been told would be around S$10,000. Once this XYZ is paid, I then dont need to bother paying or spending any more money on the wedding.
Now this is something I have been duffed with totally. Something which is neither found in Sunnah of our Prophet (SallaAllahu), nor in any aspect of Pakistani customs.
I addition to this, I am also not clear, whether any gift money offered by the guest at the wedding be eventually be owned by the bridegroom (me), or the bride family.
I would really appreciate if members can help me understand the key financial aspects of Malay wedding in Singapore, who pays what, for what purpose and the typical amount.
To keep the answer to the point, please be clear that I am not talking about any unislamic Pakistani culture or about the traditions of marriage procedure, but only about financial matters. Further, I also dont have issues spending the RIGHT amount of money for the purpose of marriage directly by me. Its only what I dont understand is that why do the girl's family need to ask me to hand them cash, and then they spend the money.
JazakAllah Khair.
Salamualikum.
Hello hanafimuslim,
I'm working as wedding planner for muslim most of the time and just came across your posted question. Dun be so puzzled with the culture in Singapore & your country practise. There's no right or wrong in the way.
Nowaday, people are quite civilised, we don't follow the traditional practise much. Hence, you may check with your gf's family of the flow.
Be free! Marriage should be merit and happy. So be happy and ask them of the expenses and flow.
Cheers!
Assalamualaikum...
Dear Bro,
Alhamdulilah, to hear that you are getting married.
It's the tradition here that bridegroom MUST give an amount to the bride's family for the wedding expenditure.
Yes! it's a big amount. I too am not in favour of it. However, you can discuss with your future wife's parents to reduce the amount.
Salaam Bro,
The XYZ money is indeed just a TRADITION.
IT may or may NOT be followed.
The utmost important factor is that the two families discuss and come to a common conclusion.
There are many families which practice both. The motive for the dowry money is that is to state a "price" on the girl. There are also trays of gifts that some family requests. Usually (according to the custom), is there are 2 different events, the bride's side will keep the money and likewise for the groom's side. Some use it for the payment of bridal wear and event.
There are also families that collect the whole sum of money and in return split it equally.
As for my fiancee' and I, we have both discussed that the gift money will be given to both our parents for their hardwork and efforts.
Therefore, I emphasize that it all comes to what u and your fiancee' family agrees.
I hope the above helps =)
been there.. paid and received....fortunately.. still very happy together...
But this is singapore.. unfortunately, money is part of the requirement for the family.. not for religion. Religion is simple.. the rest is tradition, culture, the norm.. the wants....
The fact is that everything has a value tagged to it. and now.. it is tagged to a person.. the question is... is it worth the money or is it just love. and now.. there is a price... This is how we are weighed and judged.
What all of us forgets.. is the responisbiility.. is there a price tagged to it?
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