my husband married another woman without telling me
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16/11/2007 5:38:36 PMoh wait.
is this the part where everyone gathers round and delivers a speech on the importance of piety and decency?
sister, please, it's alright.
you'll now be patronised enough to believe that it was God that you put you in this position, not a society that is so totally %$^&*% up that we should now HOPE for change.
so in the meantime, please be strong enough to tolerate the S**** you're in, and understand that making excuses for other people's behaviour is now that status quo for muslim societies.
*ebony rolls her eyes*
*and i think she needs to cool off and stop posting on this site for a while.*
*but she's also thinking that this post will probably be deleted so there wasnt much point writing this in the first place.*
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16/11/2007 11:10:22 PMHi arsh,
It's haram for any polygamy marriage without the consultation or approval of the other wives. It's a natural law, in Islam or other culture, that marriage be taken seriously in any case.
I feel, in my opinion,that your husband's second marriage is more due to his personal issue, meaning 'manhood' problem, than the concern of family issues. Sometimes, sorry being out of topic, the case with (some) men in marriage, is that they always reacted her actions without lack of factors in to reflect or consideration.
Often this comes from lack of communication within family, and gap of misunderstanding.
Since the question you pose is neutral, and not specific, I cannot give my final answer on such topic. If discussion or coming to terms failed between both of you, the please do not be embarass to raise the issue to a marriage conunceller or family members. Do not see the problem as 'your burden to shoulder'.Stay strong and positive to yourself and your future ahead :)
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24/11/2007 1:11:13 AMFariz, can you show me your proof that its haram to marry without the consent of the other wives?
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25/11/2007 11:20:24 AMWow. Seems a direct question for proofs (dalil) for me ha-ha.... This is the depending of fatwa of course. However, the Quran so definitely supported the equal rights of women before, in or after marriage. Here are some below;
“O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness that ye may …on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity…
But if ye decide to take one wife in place of another, even if ye had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, take not the least bit of it back: Would ye take it by slander and manifest wrong?
And how could ye take it when ye have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?”
Al-Qur'an, (4.19-021) (An-Nisa [Women])
“If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practice self-restraint, Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.
Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practice self-restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.”
Al-Qur'an, (4.128-129)
These are some of the supportive verses from the Quran that specify the need for husbands to be supportive and honor their wives. I find that many male chauvinist Muslims used some verse(s) of the Quran to justify their ‘superiority’ over women as below;
“… men have a degree (of advantage) over them (women). And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.” (Quran 2:228)
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other…”
(Qur'an, 4.34)
This is a misconception (2:228), read the previous to the verses it says “And women (wives) shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable…” So equality to both wife and husband is measured importantly in Quran. And verse (4:34) describes the important rights of responsibility and limit for husband, not his superiority; for “… righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard” and men “… support them from their means”. A men’s degree of advantage has NOTHING to do with him being a male, but responsibility as a filial, doting and understanding husband.
Hence it’s quite obvious that polygamy cannot be ensured without the wife’s approval, unless she’s guilty of lewdness, unfaithful and unreasonable for her part. She has the right to object such decision, of course . The Quran does not state and defines perfect liberty to all men and women.
“Allah commands justice, the doing of good, and liberality to kith and kin, and He forbids all shameful deeds, and injustice and rebellion: He instructs you, that ye may receive admonition” (Quran 16:90)
Hence, women have every right to demand rights or sue her husband if evidence is proven that her husband is found irresponsible and not filial to his wife, whether polygamy or marriage. (Quran 4:128). Hope it clears some doubts. If you don't find haram, the I find not fault in you. But the justification of Quran gives the finality on the husband to be fair to his wife in all aspects of decision, the same otherwise :)
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26/11/2007 3:02:20 PMI dare not understand the Quran according to my own limited understanding. I rather have the scholars do that.
I would rather understand the Quran as how it was taught to the Companions.
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28/11/2007 4:10:42 PMI understand your point of view. Everyone had their honest view, and it's good and important.For me, I am very carefull myself on the scholars who were giving the fatwas these days. But I never give fatwas, as I am not of the learned, but always learning :)
Please note that I'm not anti-Hadis or anti-traditionalists. But what you must understand is that the hadith were compilations of narrated traditions passed by generations to generations. Like the Christian gospels(e.g. Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John), the narrators/authors in traditions are not directly original, meaning the narration was not written directly/recorded by the one saying or transmitting him/herself (e.g. Prophet Muhammad pbuh, companions(sahabah) of prohets) . The authors of hadith (e.g. Bukhari, Muslim ,Daud, Nanawi) are truthful people, and they have selected and related the hadiths(narration) which are closest to and trusted with neceesary canons and rules as possible.(e.g. by chain of transmissions)
The problem however, is the divison of thoughts and the jurispundence of law to the application from hadiths to the real world. Furthermore, despite the truthfullness of hadith, one still have to reflect on the authenticity of the narration till today. I have read hadith from sunni and shia denomination's pov and believe me, they have differences within each and the other, while also at many agreed on similar traditions as well. Allah will know which hadith transmission is the truth, and those doubtfull. I do not want to end up like our brethren (Christians and Jews) in faith, they are long in similar situation as us as in the way we have with our hadiths, similar to of their issues(e.g. Gospels, Gnostics,Talmud,Mithra).
Like I say, I put the Quran firsthand when it comes to faith and religion. The hadith narrations will or must support the verses or laws in the Quran and not the other way around, one of first of many conditions naturally. The Quran is revealed from Prophet Muhammad pbuh to ALL mankind to receive inspiration and guidance from Allah Almighty, not just for islamic scholars. This remain from yesterday,and today and till tomorrow and till the time of the Hour. Hence, we muslims, like scholars, must each be responsible put our thoughts and thinking to hadith and Quran to pure ,honest and proper use.
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30/11/2007 3:04:23 AMHello Arsh,it is very hurt to find out that your husband was someone else husband after both of you tight a knot to become husband & wife.Arsh.....in this world not a single can predict what will happen and waiting for us ahead of us....and you are one of them.Allah create the destiny of all human he created.....so we have to accept what ever Allah created for us......always remember what ever happen in your live there's something good behind it.......Always BERSYUKUR TO ALLAH COS IT YOUR DESTINY........and accept it willingly trust me you can feel in your heart and soul than you will be happy leading your life with your children......
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20/12/2007 1:51:14 PMHI,
I guess "married tradianally" means it is not properly registered marriage, isn't it? He went to Thailand to solemnize the marriage with Wali-raja's attendance or something. I think Syaria Court in Singapore does not accept registration of polygminous marriage without very good reason and consent of existing wife is questioned. If it is the case, there should be a lot of points you can argue about however you need to be determined to fight against the husband in the court. There is good possibility the husband and the other "wife" did not satisfy all the reuqirement and "married tradianally " may turn out to be invalid one.
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5/05/2008 9:51:30 AMYou can one of the these;
1. Accept it - Ask Allah for guidance. Get him to be responsible for both sides.
2. Reject it - Do the legal work to get it resolved and move on with your life.
Either way, if you are not decisive, it will bother the rest of your life. Decide now and move on with your life. Nobody is perfect and life is full of surprises, the difference is our Iman thatw e know that this life is just temporary and as long as you do whatever you do fearing Allah, Insya'Allah things will work out. Wasalaam
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my husband of 3 years did not tell me that he was married tradianally to another woman till i found out now.he claims that he didn't tell me coz he didn't want to hurt me.but i can't accept the fact that he hid something like thia from me.we have 2 kids.
500 pts
rookie
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