u should just leave him...
0votes 1/09/2009 4:15:52 PM by hwithyanni rookie BisI caught my hubby's affair with another woman through sms. Initially he denied and after a long talk...he gave it away that they have been seeing each other for quite some time. She happened to be a Filipino. It was really hard for me because I'vecaught him flirting thru smses before.
After much promises..it happened again a month later and a few months after that. I've asked for divorce but refused saying that he wants to work things out. We went to Syariah and got the form for counselling but he holds up the submission. I do not know what was holding him. Soon after I realized that I'm expecting our 3rd child. Till now I observed that he is very secretive and possessive of his handphone. It's always on vibration mode and either in his pocket or under his pillow while he sleeps. At this point of time, I am very emotionally distressed. I can't trust him anymore.
However, he is a very responsible man. He never fails to earn and provide for the family that sometimes he do not have time for the children. We have 2 very young children and up-coming 3. Most of the time I feel like I'm being abandoned alone with the kids...I'm working too and sometimes feel exhausted.
At times I feel does it make a difference with or without my husband around? People always adviced me to think about the kids...then what about me???
Help...
possible to go for counselling on your own first?
the reality of life gets cruel more as time passes. we all know this from all the social happenings we read in the papers. so the highest priority at the moment will be your children. will they be well educated to face the future? educated here i dont mean by schooling but the education received from home. basic survival skills, religion, responsibility etc starts at home. therefore in your situation you would have to put your own self happiness aside, at the moment. Insyaallah you will be rewarded.
plan your solution. 4 stages: very short term, short term, long term, and very long term. you would have to define those 4. as a guide, perhaps the "very short term" could be find a suitably qualified counsellor to advise you? and the very long term could mean your children's well being until adulthood.
of course, what i've mentioned above is centred at your kids' well being. the ultimate choice is really yours because you know the problem best.
what will your very long term be based on? your own happiness, your relationship with your husband, or your kids' future, or all 3? you'd have to ask this and put it on paper. draw your ideal solution. it helps to put it on paper seriously.
in a family, everyone desires for 3 perfect scenarios: the couple desires everlasting love, the kids desire for a united family with their own parents, and the entire family desires for an excellent future.
reality of course, is most of the time imperfect. but what we do and what we fight for is towards perfection.
i do hope your problem will be sorted out as best as determined by Allah S.W.T. Insyaallah.
He did it again coz u let him... usually when they know that they can get away with something, they will be weak when the temptations present itself before them.
Providing ur material needs is not enough for a family.. there are emotional needs, physical needs and ur other desires to achieve in life, like ur happiness or career... and providing for the family does not gif him the right to have an affair with other women, its just not rite...
when others say that u have to think of ur children, only u know what is best for u and ur children... i do not think that ur children will not be affected by the coldness between u and ur husband...since there is no trust, it is very difficult to maintain a loving relationship, whats more create a loving and happy environment in the house for the children...
be strong and think wats best for ur children but at the same time, that will not destroy ur inner self... if u don't have urself to lean on, den ur children won't be able to lean on u too...
Pray to Allah to gif u direction for a better future... gd luck and take care.. :D
i feel you, sister.... i really feel your frustration and anger and sadness.
i just hope that with ur problems here, dun forget to take care of ur health, firstly... if u are sick, who will take care of ur kids, rite...
secondly, i know u have been patient with ur husband's actions... but if u still can be patient... try ur best. dun forget ur prayers and seek God's help. Only ur husband can change himself for the better, n not others.
Like what i've been doin... praying hard to seek petunjuk from Allah swt abt my marriage situation.
Thirdly, yes...the children. Somehow, the children may not be able to notice the 'gap' between u n ur husband... so try to live with it. I'm grateful that he do not pose as a danger or violent individual to urself and ur kids.
Lastly, pray. thats all.... pray...pray...pray... thats wat my mom ask me to each time my marriage problems arise and when my husband gets violent to me.
I know I shouldn't be encouraging you to leave your husband but sometimes you have to think for yourself too.
I used to be in the same situation as you. He's been cheating on me since we were courting. Each time I caught him, he shed his crocodile tears and pleaded and promised to turn over a new leaf.
I always believe in giving someone a 2nd chance but 3rd, 4th, 5th chances?
I seek for a divorce when my 2nd child was born and I was glad I took the courage to do so.
Although I feel kinda sad occassionally seeing other kids with their dad but I'm a happier person now raising my 2 kids without a husband.
You, yourself need to be happy before you could bring happiness to your kids. Having a father may complete the family tree but it doesn't guarantee a complete happiness for everyone.
Whatever decision you make in your life, I truly hope it's for the better not just for the family but for yourself too....
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