Salamaleikum....
I am a Christian (protestant) by faith and I have been engaged close to a year now with a born Muslim (he is Arab),but from what I know, it isn't proper because none of our families knew about it.We have been living together for a year now as well, and everytime I ask him whether if we will marry or not, he gives vague answers-as there are many points to consider-
1.some say it's allowed for muslim men to marry christian & jewish women and they don't have to convert. but then it will be a mess from the child-raising and inheritance point of view. it's very conflicting.
2.he suggested a mutaa-i understand it is a temporary marriage by definition.we already are doing something haram, living together,that I know.It sounds like this set-up is an excuse, and i wonder if it's being done here in Singapore.I don't want a temporary marriage,but as both our parents will never agree to it-mine, coz they don't want me to convert (although I am willing), and his parents, coz they are viewing it that I am converting merely for the purpose of marriage.What should I do? It's like I'm damned if I do or if I don't!
3.I suggested a civil ceremony, to keep peace and strike a balance between everything.In this way, no need for a dowry,no need for religious ceremonies,and everything that makes marrying such a headache.seeing if we both invite our parents,none will come, what else is there left for us to do?
we love each other very much.we have been together for almost 2 years and it is a constant struggle to stay together.we started this relationship long distance, but despite that, we are still together.by the way, we are both of legal age.
Please help us.We both do love each other, and do not want to give up just because of religious issues.Him and me were never religious-he doesn't pray 5x a day, and it' very seldom he does-i even have to remind him to go pray.All of a sudden we both have to be " religious" and righteous because of marriage issues.I am a logical being, and religion just doesn't seem to make sense to me anymore.
W'salaam sista.
sounds like you are following the islamic lifestyle more than ur bf.
Anyways..if you do take the time to study the concept of marriage in islam, you would find that..
1) Mutaah marriage have been abolished by the prophet although it was earlier allowed.
Narrated 'Ali bin Abi Talib: On the day of Khaibar, Allah's Apostle forbade the Mut'a (i.e. temporary marriage) and the eating of donkey-meat.Book #59, Hadith #527 (Bukhari)
2) Marriage should not be done in secrecy. The girl should have her 'wali' (usually her dad representing her) and the marriage should be witness by 2 adult men.
3) Marriage contract signed with any term and condition written and the Mahr. The Mahr is your and not the property of the husband. The mahr is compulsory to make this marriage valid.
4) Have a small feast (walimah)..so tht the community knows you are married.
As a married person..i repeat loudly..DO NOT marry in secrecy. why.? Allah in his wisdom knows the harm it will cause if you married in secret. If at any time your husband were to mistreat you, or if you are having problems...basically, you have no where to go to. The muslim man have a great responsibility towards his creator when he marries. He is taking you as his trust.
Also the role of your wali, ( father, brother, male relatives whom you cannot marry) doesn't end when he gives you away to your husband. He will always be there to protect you and enquire if the marriage is ok and if the husband is taking care of you as he should be.
A muslim men can marry women from the people of the book, with the condition that she is chaste.
Made lawful to you this day are At-Tayyibat [all kinds of Halal (lawful) foods, which Allah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. the food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends. And whosoever disbelieves in Faith [i.e. in the Oneness of Allah and in all the other Articles of Faith i.e. His (Allah's) Angels, His Holy books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and Al-Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work; and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.
(Quran: Al-Maeda, Chapter #5, Verse #5)
Islam is a very logical way of life. It may seem illogical when your concerns is not addressed step by step. This is a broad topic, but i hope you can come again and ask more questions.
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