hi everyone.
i'm planning to go mount ophir with my friends sometime this year but my dad refuses to let me go because he says i'm getting married next year and should focus on the marriage. but i think its ridiculous. i had thought of going travelling with my friends before settling down because i forsee i won't be able to do so much of that after marriage. sigh.. is my dad going overboard or am i asking too much? does anyone have any similar experiences to share?
Salaam,
Well there are a few things you need to consider.
Are your friends mixed or same gender?
How soon is next year and your preparations for pre or post-marriage plans?
Are you the first in your family to get married?
I would not be suprised if a father/mother would be worried, especially when a daughter is concerned. I guess it's important to consider everyone as a part of marriage life. Most of my friends who were married says the same thing; "When you marry someone, you 'marry' their whole family and friends together".
Hence, indeed, marriage is not just a bond of two persons, but a bond of two families, friends and needs and expectations. Which is why marriage is promoted not just for strengthen the cause of politics, but also in economic bonds, communities or organizations. Hence, in my opinion, parents may get worried if their child were not prepared for marriage life when they see such reactions of their child 'taking easy' before marriage. I mean, look at the divorce case rates in Singapore for Malay Muslims, the figures are really scary...
No similar experience to share..except that my parents send me off overseas to study although they were very reluctant coz i'm a gal and all.
I don't understand what your dad means by concentrating on the marriage.
Does he mean to take more marriage classes or preparring for the wedding function..? one thing i can more or less think of in these kinda situation is for people to gossip about you, since you are goin to get married.
Perhaps your trip consists of a mix group? Although i won;t recomend goin for trips, tracking, mountain climbing etc with just girls alone. ( i don;t mean to imply that women are weak, but in the overall scheme it just works better if the guys are there)
Other than that, i don't see the relationship with marriage and going tracking.
The best option i can think of is for you to do these kinda activity with your friends and your husband together. You can do this things even after you are married unless your husband isn't the active type. Who knows.
Why not ask your parents. :)
Your dad is just being a dad. You are his responsibility until you get married.
Have you any experience at mountain climbing ? If not, aren't you taking unneccesary risk. It is a small mountain, but it is not Bukit Timah.
Will the expedition involve members of the opposite sex ? As Fariz and Sultana had mentioned, this could be an issue with conservative family members.
How does your spouse to be feel about the matter?
Instead of feeling sad about not being able to travel freely after marriage, think of the joy you will have, traveling with your loved ones later on.
hi all,
thanks for your replies!
fariz> hee i didn't know a trip to ledang would have such a macro impact on society..but thanks for your views! my group is mixed, and i've gone overseas (in groups with and without members of the opposite gender). My marriage will be in the mid 2010 insya allah, and i think our plans are pretty alright (budget, timeline for flat, kursus, wedding, honeymoon, savings) Yup, i'm the first in your family to get married, and the only girl so perhaps that's why he's super paranoid. :p
sultana> hey must be pretty exciting studying overseas! anyway, i think my dad meant marriage preparations..hmm..maybe i should share with him what i've planned so far so he'll be less worried? anyway about going trekking with my husband, perhaps i'm being a bit paranoid but i think it'll be harder to because you have more responsibilities and less opportunities to go trekking. but then again i'm sure there will be at least 1 opportunity huh? ;)
z> haha that pretty much sums it up huh? sigh..guess i have to live with the fact that i'll always be someone's 'responsibility'. anyway, the most i've been is to bukit timah actually haha..but i read that it's alright for beginners..like i mentioned it includes my guy friends, but actually i think they're more comfortable if there are guys to look out for the girls :) the boy has no issues with the trip (we're both quite sports-inclined)..but anyway, yeah, perhaps i should look to the future with hope instead of the present with anxiety? :)
thanks again everyone, will talk to my dad..
salaam livelovelaugh,
The best time of my life studying overseas!! so much so that i stayed, got my PR, got married and now have a 3.5month old baby.
i use to travel alot and continue doing fun activity even though i'm married with my husband and friends together. well, i didn;t have much 'responsibility' so to speak after i got married. It's like staying with a new housemate only it's a guy. hehe..still doing the same thing i use to do in terms of responsibility, paying bills, cleaning, cooking, working, going out..etc. The good thing is the domestic task have been splited into 2, so more fun time for me.
i can't say the same now after having a baby. I haven;t gone out for a date with husband in months!!
i know i will eventually once he's slightly older. ;)
My best wishes to you in the comming wedding and marriage. May Allah bless you and your new family.
w'salaam
fify05@ymail.com
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