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6/03/2007 3:32:14 PMhi Ffifany..thanks for the question.
i think its a common scenario that married people will have to come across, once in their life time :)
although im not an expert...i will try to give it a go, since we all will come across this when married.
from your question, i'm not sure if your mum-in-law is sick, healthy or does she need 24/7 attention and care.
Also i'm not sure to what extend you cannot get along with ur mum-in-law..and lastly how long will she be staying with you guys.
i remember when my mum have to let my grandmother say with us..and she wasn't very happy about it. my mum didn't get along well with my grandmother(her mum-in-law)...so we hired a maid. She stayed with us for a while..and it didn't work out. My mum wasn't happy and was stressing out about it all the time. My grandmother after a while didn't feel comfortable staying with us...so she left and stay with my dad's sister.
hiring a maid may not be your best option possibly bcoz of the cost involve and i know singapore is expesive place to live..u need dual income.
if u can somehow have clear guide line/boundary between u and your husband..negotiate what you can or cannot put up with if his mum stays with you guys. who does what..etc and if his mum does something which compromises your security, stability or happiness in the household then your husband should step in and make it clear with his mum.
i was wondering why your husband's sister couldn't take care of her mother..since i think its less conflicting for the two family.
one thing to remember is that our parents wouldn't live in this world for long (technically speaking) and in a few years time..we would be in the position of our parents. do you think your kids' wife/husband will have you stay in their home when you are old?
just something to think about. not any proper answers here..but i hope more people will try this question.
good luck. :)
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7/03/2007 12:15:40 PMModerator Comment
Hello fifiany
Welcome to NB:lounge :)
Thank you for posting your questions and other replies. We hope that you're getting used to the site and enjoying it.
Just for your information.. its ok for you to wait for a little while to give others a chance to reply to your question before 'accepting an answer'. Since this site is fairly new, it might take some time before members see and reply to questions.
Please feel free to drop us a line anytime. :D
c ya around.
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18/07/2007 10:25:14 PMhi fifiany
let's hope my answer can give u some solution.
1st of all, u had been married for 17yrs, i supposed ur kids r old enough to take care of themselves, 2nd thing since u r working full time, how abu ur sis in law? does she need to work or look after young kids?
if ur answer is yes to 1st qns, ur kids can take care of themselves, so they no need a guardian to help u look after ur kids, if yes to the 2nd, i think it would be more appropriate to let ur mum in law continue to stay with her daughter, n help her look after her kids instead.
unless is no to the 2nd qns, is there any other siblings to look after her? or is she very sick, need a special care giver? how old is ur mum in law?
is there any other place like u can rent for her to stay? like 1 room flat to let her stay on her own n u visit her regularly?
is better to stay separately n don let ur hub get caught in between, if necessary, tell ur hub, u r working, kids r schooling :)
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23/11/2007 10:00:23 AMhi fifianny,
i would like to share with you my personal experience.
i am living with my husband and my 5 yr old daughter.
after 2 years of marriage, my mum in law decided to stay with us.
what happened was, all of us was under her control.
the discipline i use to exercise on my kid went haywire as her grandmother pamper her too much and she is spoilt.
my kid even went against me and even if i scolded my kid, my mom in law would come to her rescue immediately.
she wants to cook, serve my husband everyday, even came to our room, just open the door without knocking when we were sleeping together, i felt embarrassed.
i felt like i was not needed at home anymore. i was depressed. imagine, i was controlled in my own home!
then i had a brilliant idea, as i was working, i paid for everything, and i even save cost on babysitting as my mum in law was there, i played along with her.
to argue with them will only cause me n my husband to fight.
so, i refuse to care for my husband, listen to my mum in law and do everything she said.
this happen for a month.
my husband felt like his mum was influencing me and sent her to his sister's home.
now, i visit her every month and just passed her some money.
i saved my marriage as well as gain my mum in law love as she thought it is her son who send her off and her daughter in law loves her.
this is REVERSE Psychology.
hope it works for you too.
take care,
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26/11/2007 9:26:04 AMThank you all for your kind advise.For the time being my mom-in law is still staying with her daughter.My husband agreed with me that promblem will arise and as my two children are 13 and 11 y/o,I've managed to have a good arrangement with my friend who help to babysit my younger son till my daughter is back from school.
Having a maid is out of the question as I have bad experience with them and my kids also do not like to have anymore maids.
Well just hope that my present arrangement will work as having in-law staying with us will only strain our relationship.
Wassallam.
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I've been happily married for almost 17 yrs and all this years I've been taking care of my family(hubby & my 2 kids) on my own.
Recently my sister-in law informed my husband that my mother-in law wanted to stay with us.I felt very reluctant to accept her has I've ever stayed with her a few months after our wedding.
I don't think that I'll be able to get along with her and I do not want to create conflict and make it difficult for my husband.
For your info I'm working full time.
Please advise on the best solution.
125 pts
rookie
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