Im 23 and in a relationship with 20 yr old ns man.our love is simple, and not trying to be one sided,i know he's different.he's the top student in ITE,but quit poly cause i told him i cant wait that long for him(poly 3years+ns 2years).we're saving monthly so that insyallah in 2-3 years we can get engaged and subsequently if financially stable,we can get married.
His family approves us dating, in fact they adore me.however my mom hates it.met him once before he enters ns,and was totally against it.recently my family found out about us again,i was beaten,slapped,gagged at my neck and pushed my head cause when asked if i really choose him and i said yes.
When i asked my mom the reason why,she just say the first look at him and she just hates him.at first she said he's just an ITE cert guy and i should find roughly the same status.next she said he was smaller then me and she's embarresed.my dad and brother have yet to meet him but they still disapprove us because they claim that they trust mother instinct.
My mom talked to him a few nighta agi when i was beaten up saying i was becoming rude since i met him and she will never ever accept him no matter what.my brother scolded him on the phone and says all the badwords to him.it breaks my heart night.
My question is,is it right for them to just go against us with just the 1st meet up?without concrete reason im not allowed to be with him nor even be friends with him.my mom even went to the extend of saying that i want her dead if i were to meet him.
I have no intention of doing anything wrong. I know its super wrong to go against my parents but what else can i do.
He's clean.no tatoos,dosnt drink hence my mom once quote that he's too innocent.is there such thing?im confused.i know hes the right guy for me.we're not rushing things but i really want their approval in our relationship as it meant alot to me.
What else can i do?my family is the type that wont listen to anything.ive sacrifies alot for my mom since im 16.ive been working since 16 plus schooling,however my family dosnt care eventhough i told them im happy with him.
I desperately need help.
:'(
ok, i am truly saddened with your situation. but life must go on.
yes, your marriage might not be successful without your parent's approval. however, if your parents disapproved with your husband-to-be due to not important reasons as what you might have stated, then to me it might just be nonsense.
it is really true that there is need for the spouse to be the same standard as the wife. probably if your boyfriend were to study and work at the same time, it might just be better for the family.
this part of my post doesn't meant to hurt you, but seriously, in Singapore, it is very hard for your boyfriend to survive with just an ITE cert.... at least a degree will be just enough to survive.
i think your parent might just be worried that he could not support you and your future family with the pay that he might be potentially getting, and that is why i suggested to learn more until degree also.
go to private institutions if your boyfriend wishes to take up a degree as he could work and study at the same time. ....
maybe that might make them convinced that he is suitable for you.
for you to get married, you need your dad to be there during the nikah. however, if as what you said, your family did not agree with your relationship due to illogical reasons, the wali hakim could still carry out the nikah without your dad being present.
the thing is that despite your parents actions, there is this patience needed here. i might have the same story as you... sometimes angry for not treating well or just some ridiculous thing which cause the relationship to be bad.
i would like to suggest just don't argue much with her, since arguing with your mother might just cause you a sin... that part of her asking some ridiculous things, she will be answerable ...
there is also a need to relook at how you have gone with your relationship. is it based on islam etc... following islamic rules? this things must also be considered ( just for a reminder )... but sometimes we might just had forgotten the etiquettes of the b.g.r.in islam.
once this things which i had mentioned might have been carried out, other things might just be simpler. just ask Allah for help...
you could also talk to your friends about this situation and could ask them about their feedback and who should do what. there are somethings which is beyond your control... but must adapt to the situation.
Assalammualaikum,
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply my post.
As to what you suggested, I did already consulted my friends and close cousin.this is what they honestly Said to me-
'I thought at first you're crazy to choose some1 younger but after which for me he's the best among all the guys I've been with'
'for me,it's unfair for what your mom did.he's a good guy and has dong nothing wrong.'
I'm not saying we are a perfect couple but he does guide me for the past 20months. I know in a way to say that as a muslimah I'm not allowed to go out with him just the 2 of us,but we do most of the time.
We're not the type that club and stuff.honestly that's how we are.we meet for lunch dinner.I would pick him up from camp send him home to meet his parents once a week and he would send me home.
Once again I'm not trying to be one sided but it is what we do.
I need my parents approval so that my heart would be at ease everytime I'm out.I feel like I'm 15 and hiding from them.
My mom always say treat her as my friend but when I tried to talk to her about him she would slap me and tell my dad and the whole thing would erupt again.so I would sneak out after work to meet him on fri as what other choice do I have?and my mom blames him saying I'm rude due to this eversince I'm with him.
I want an outsider view.I'm thinking of asking some ustaz or ustazah for opinion.I'm at lost you know?and it's sad that they don't seem to care that I'm happy.
And yes,he web told me after he quit from poly that he will find a good job and continue part time.insyallah.
A good education and a good job doesn't guarantees the person character but somehow it secures the future.For me i'm not well educated but i earn a handsome living. You just need to work hard. A good true devout muslim will somehow capture the families heart. Ultimately you have to heed your parents advice but somehow they can be wrong too. It all depends on you. If you were to ask ustaz or ustazah, they will totally say that you are in the wrong unless a modern ustaz or ustazah. a true muslimah can't go out with a guy yg bukan mahramnya at all. To solve this go out in a group.
Parents is always a barrier towards a relationship. Avoid quarrel towards your mom cos it is very sinful.
Its already sinful when you quarrel, and also sinful when you go out with him just the two of you so double sin. it depends also if you are a true muslimah or a modern one.
For me i aint a good person but somehow i know lots of deeds and sins and religious cos of my upbringing. But somehow i think if you still love him and
trust him just do what you feel is good for you but remember the boundaries and yet remain silent to your parents in order not leave a bruise to your mum's heart. Sooner or later as time flies they willing to acccept . Patience.
Theres always obstacles in the path which we have to cross.
Just remember to cross carefully .
Just a simple thought
Here's an similar type of question & answer from SunniPath Academy by Shaykh Nazim Mangera. May Allah SWT guide us all Insya Allah.
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_...
Are you sure you wish to stop receiving email alerts for this Question?
Yes No close loading...