Recently, I have met a Nigerian guy through MuslimFriends.com. He is keen in having a serious relationship with me after knowing for a short period of time. I have read some horror stories about Nigerian guys and their scrams. Anyone has any advices?
I have lots of nigerian friends in singapore. I knew them for years. Yes they have a very bad impression.
Before that, let me ask you what is he doing? A student?
or working as a ...?
Most of the students who were from Nigeria is ok. Especially the muslims. But dont rush into it, get to know him first. They are mostly educated and rich.
The ones that i would not encourage you to be with are the footballers. Businessmen too. It depends but you see, most of them especially those staying near Mustafa Centre, are not educated. Few of them are illegals. Some of them only wants to get married just to get the PR. Some of them only want the girls for pleasure sake. I have Nigerian frens who are married to a muslim girl but he still goes out and find other girls.
Take your time to get to know him better. I know they like to rush things. they are very good 'sweet-talkers' so dont easily fall for that. And just be careful when you go out with them.
The question is do you trust yourself. Will you fall for anyone ?? Are you god fearing. It is not the nationality that you need to fear, it is your own lust that you need to fear. The inability to control oneself. Our prophet says that you will reach taqwa at a high level when you love me more than yourself. Everything as long as in line with the Muslim laws, you have nothing to fear. Ask Allah for guidnace and surely He knows what is best for you. Ameen.
Initially, I thought this guy was nice as he told me he is working in IT. However, after a while, he told me that he also own the company. Somehow, I do not trust him coz' he asked me to help to pay some of his bills. I have become suspicious. Of course, I refused. Just give warning to people out there. Please be wary of such people.
I guess you should consider jannah14 suggestions. Women's instinct could be accurate so she has a point for that. Start as friends first ok, learn his habits and style. Don't rush but, then again don't be a rejector.
Shouldn't I find it hard to accept if the guy begin to ask for help to pay for his stuff? It does reflect badly on his financial status. I am not so sure if this is a good thing in the long run. Moreover, I do not know him well enough to trust him. I refused. So now, it is up to him if he really likes me to stay in the friendship or he rather find someone else who is willing to pay for his expenses.
I struggle with alot of Muslims out there. Whenw e ask the basic question why are wedoing things for ? Is it in the name of Allah ?? If so, whatever you do, you do it in Allah's name. Give advice, help in terms of changing the person into a better person so that you can also get Allah's pleasure. If our intent is good, insya'Allah, he will change. It is a test for us as well meeting these kind of people. May we all dol well in our own tests as well. Ameen.
Thank you for your reply. Recently, I have just communicated with him through online. He is still asking for help ie. money for his situation or problem. Each time, it will be from a different story. I have been very suspicious of him. I told him that I think he is a scram. He immediately reacted that I am insulting him. I gave him a few advices and explained on why I have this impression. What I feel is that it was strange that he does not feel bad for keeping asking for money. I have the feeling his mind is focused that is to get as much money from the person he is communicating with. I was disappointed. You are right it is a test for me. Anyway, I have said to him that May Allah s.w.t help him.
Coincidentally, I have a relative who married a Nigerian 2 years ago. She had known him for 4 only 4 months before they got married. Before marriage, he was very keen in knowing more about Islam and comparing it with other religions. He used to ask questions and discuss Islam with my father. A few days before he got married, he converted to Islam. After his marriage, he seemed to be reading books on Islam. He was then staying with his wife, her mother and her grandmother in her mother's home. But unfortunately it lasted only for a few days. He then extorted S$10 000 from her and threatened that he would injure her grandmother and mother if she didn't. Her mother only could afford to pay 5 000 and told him that she would pay the rest after some time. She then made a police report and he was sent back to Nigeria, his wife was 3 months pregnant then. She has never recieved any nafkah from him to support her son, her mother (who is a single parent) and her grandmother.
An advice as a Muslim sister, I would say never trust a Nigerian especially in situations concerning marriage and money. Because I've read in one of the Singapore papers about another exact case as above.
I hope my advice helped you, InshaAllah. Just seek Allah's help before you decide anything, InshaAllah, He will give you what is best for you.
Salaams
For one I married a Nigerian Muslim Lecturer and we have a son despite knowing I am a single-mum of 2 kids for 14years before he married me.
He in younger then me by 5years and I m 48 now. From him I have a 5years old son.
Nigerians in nature are kind and caring but for some that has travelled out of their country have develope new adaptation such as conning, fraud, cheat ..etc due to tough living in foriegn countries and because some of them somehow have overstayed and become illegal immigrants in the present country they are in.
My advise, be very careful with strangers even with local Singaporeans. No harm being wary then regret after that. Just be very very very careful... please....
I was dating a Nigerian Muslim and he claimed to be a business man and he happens to be the son of a army general in abuja. Then few days in the relationship, he asked me for a $1000 dollars and i asked him why. He told me that his machinery got stuck and his payment had been delayed. I dun have that much of money. Knowing that i came from a middle income family he stopped calling me after that. I gave up the idea of dating anybody and really developed a bad impression on Nigerian guys, until three years ago i met another Nigerian student on my way to school. He lives across the street just where i am teaching. He happens to be living in my colleague's place for rent and has asked my colleague about me. He got to know me when i called my colleague over setting up an exam paper. My colleague just passed the phone to him. Trust me, I have slapped him beat him out of anger even throwing a hot spoon at him when he came to my house to beg my dad to convince me to agree to marrying him. He still has the scar in his right arm. For two years, he constantly came for me even though as a man he sometimes loses his cool. He converted to Islam. I changed my mind the day when my brother had been to the police station for beating up another boy in poly and my dad suffered a heart attack from it. He was there throughout our agony. Till today he tries his hard to provide for me though he is studying. He gives tuition at centres and works for a tyre company odd times. I am so happy i have found the right person. By Allah's grace his family is coming here on the 31st of Oct. Please pray for us that things work out, he will get his PR work permit and we will work things out.
My post is mainly to tell people that Allah has a purpose for people to meet people in his own way. There are con men in evey society be white black brown or red, it is to your own discretion to evaluate things. If you have done good you will beget good, if you have commit evil you beget evil.
Yes i have had a lot of bad experiences with a lot of Nigerians and Cameroonians, not one or two but many. I am still not in the position to judge them. Not all are bad. I'm still in contact with a few of them, and these are the few good ones that respect me and treasure friendship. I realise that it is my choice. Fate brought us together but it is still my choice whether i want to be friends with them or not.
There are foreigners that just want company while they are here, some are illegal and some came here to get a job but end up having none which is why they want money from us women.
However there are those that come here for studies, which means they do have money. They are definitely legal and cant run away but they may still want u just for company. They are more educated and may start their own business.
Its still up to each individuals. Each and every one of them are different and so are we. Its not fair to generalise them or judge them, but its also not wrong to take extra caution. I learn my lesson, and a few years ago, my story is in The New Paper. I really dont want the girls here to make the same mistake i did. I cant blame the men, neither can i blame the girls. Just that i did have a hard time getting out of it and it affected my future relationships as well.
So to all women out there...dont give in too easily. take your time to get to know the guy and take extra precautions...
I am married to a Nigerian and have been there myself. We have a 5yrs old son and I have 2kids of my own before him. In whatever the matter, be wary of foreigners. True, they can be your solemate beau or whatever but likewise be wary. Life in Nigerian is pressing. They are 3rd world country. For those that are professionals and have maintained jobs overseas like my husband may have studied out of Nigeria for years. Jobs are difficult to find there especially when one doesnt have good education. Good jobs in banks and governmaent offices are always captured by related generations of the one on top like the Bank managers or the Army general etc. Trust me,alot of the man folks/guys are jobless there. My husband and I live in Apapa everytime we travel back there and its a standard/civilise area. If a NIgerian mention places like Abuja, Abakaliki, Inuja or other parts of the country away from Lagos or within 50km in diameter, then those places are far from development. Trust me as I have been there.
Nigerians, Cameroonians, Ghanaian or just Africans that come to Asia left their country to make life here. Some do colaborate in business like importing electrical items, scrap meteal and tyres to sell there BUT some are out to con. They pledge love to you to enable them to win your heart and live on you. Its true and its a raising matter here in Singapore amongst young divorcees and gals. I dont blame you people but please be very very careful. Thjey are sweet talkers and loving but a needle in a haystack.
But for some, they are truth. The students that studied here are from capable families and for some on scholarships yet for some got themselves involved with vice activities such as, gigolo, fraud, multi-love partners involving sex, 419 scam and lately the e-ticketing scam and student visa application scam.
Likewise, anywhere in the world, regardless of race, language or religion, there are people of many attitudes and origin, motive and upbringing. Just be very very careful and act wisely
Just to give u all the latest update. I am not communicating with the guy anymore. Alhamdulilah, I am glad that it was over. I would like to warn all gals out there.
Pls be suspicious if the guy is too fast wanting to marry you and then kept asking for help esp. money; even for a small sum. Pls be careful.
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