Married for 5 years. together for 11 years. I have never betrayed my hubby. Recently, my hubby was 'talking' to his colleague. Lovey dovey messages were being exchanged. I confronted him and he cried and was remorseful..subsequently, they contacted each other again. Again he cried. Since our marriage has never been very happy, he gave many reasons for his mistakes. My hubby has changed a lot for the better over these 5 years but.....
I was extremely depressed over this matter. I have never shortchanged him in terms of sex and he agrees with it. He promised that he did not go out or have any contact with his colleague. i believe him. But i cant overcome it. I chatted online, met a guy and had sex. This is an awful and ugly thing for a decent, religious housewife. I am ashamed of it but i am not guilty. I told my hubby about my 'affair' for a day. He wasnt upset.
He fantasizes me to have sex with other men. He even let me go out with the guy at night. I couldnt accept my hubby's behaviour. I didnt thing that his fantasy is a reality. I told my hubby that he may lose me coz i may fall in love. Thats when he told me to stop toking to my 'affair'.
Many ugly truths came from my hubby. He had physical contact with two girls. One before marriage, which i can accept. Another girl, after marriage. He had sex with another girl when i was Pregnant! Though this happened four years ago, i cant accept it. Before knowing this truth, i even consume alcohol for the first time. He encouraged me to drink.
He is very good to my parents. He is generous, kind. When it comes to me, he doesnt mind me going for a one night stand. why?
So many questions in my mind. Will my hubby make out with another girl again? What if i fall sick? He'll definitely have sex with other girls. If he can do that when i was pregnant, what else he cant do. I dont feel like praying or wearing tudung. Whats the point of being the perfect wife when my hubby doesnt make me feel perfect? Being a whore, seems to be better.
I am mentally upset. I pray 5 times a day, fast, and try my best to abstain from haram things. I dress up decently, wear tudung, wont wear makeup when i go out. Now i had sex with a guy, and drink and even missed my prayers purposely. Whats happening to me? My hubby is a threat to my religious beliefs. He doesnt pray but encourages me to pray. But his activities are against islam. How do i manage my hubby and my religion at the same time?
Please advice me.
Salaam,
Peace be upon you. Al-hamdulillah, at least you know you did is wrong and willing to turn to Allah s.w.t.
Faith and actions come together in life. Sometimes, in order to overcome such difficulty, one must estrange yourself from the problems, especially if it harms a person physically or emotionally. Just as in Islam, there are certain rules and actions where one should avoid and one should limit. Maybe you could consider some approaches to your hubby:
1) Consider your hubby to estrange from unnecessary contact by not loitering around after work. Go straight home to where the family is. It is more barakah for so.
2) It may be tough, but one can try to fast in days where recommended in Islam. Fasting reduces one's physical, emotional and wordly desires. Though it is tough and moody, but it is a hindarance from evil temptation as a start.
3) Do not give up. That is always a mistake humans make, instead of repentance and changing one's path to righteousness. Allah s.w.t made us a humans who have a soul and mind for nothing. One may feel very demoralized and felt inferior/rejected, and life can be unbearable at times, but think. I have seen people who are blind, deaf and mute, but their will to live and have a meaning and purpose in their life is stronger than all the leaders put together mashaAllah.
Iman (Belief) and Ihsan(spiritual consciousness and development) must be strong and positive, even if one needs to survive on bread, salt and water everyday. As long as we have a sliva of moral and ethical goodness in us, it is a duty as a human and Muslim to stay alive and go through together.
Thank you so much Fariz..I'll not give up on praying..I'll try my best to continue to be a good muslim.. May Allah guide me and my hubby
May Allah s.w.t guide you and your hubby, and may Allah s.w.t open your heart to good light.
The road is tough, and tough obstacles. Alhamdulillah, while there are many people out there are encourage you, do not keep the problems if it gets tough. There are organizations and social groups that could help to such issues too.
Keep in touch, insha-Allah ( God-willing) to Nasibriyanilounge.com. Salaam and may you be in best of health.
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