Email this to a friend
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9/03/2007 11:34:05 AMThis is taken form Dr.Phill website...maybe it might be helpful for you.
http://www.drphil.com/articles...
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In a Rush to Get Married?
Are you obsessed with getting married? If so, Dr. Phil suggests that you ask yourself some questions before rushing into marriage with Mr. Right Now instead of waiting for Mr. Right.
* What is it that you're focused on exactly? Are you obsessed with having a fantasy wedding or being married? If you're consumed with thoughts of the "perfect wedding," remember that fairytale weddings don't exist. Things go wrong, even at the most carefully prepared events.
* Have you planned out the details of your wedding even though you're not engaged? Dr. Phil cautions against having a philosophy from the movie "Field of Dreams," which is "If you build it, they will come." If you plan out your ideal wedding, your future husband will not magically appear.
* Keep in mind that if you are desperate to get married, you could be giving out signals that are actually scaring away the opposite sex. Seven percent of communication is verbal and the other 93 percent is nonverbal. What kinds of nonverbal signals might you be sending out regarding commitment?
* In your desperation to get married, are you moving toward something or away from something? For example, some people get married so they can move away from home, not necessarily toward their spouse. A simpler way to ask this question might be: Are you moving toward being married or away from being single?
* Do you yearn to be married because you believe it will make you feel complete? Understand that marriage doesn't complete you. If you think you need to be half of a couple to be all of who you are, you're engaging in "wrong thinking." You don't need to be half of a couple to be complete.
* Are you in a conflict with a parent or authority figure because of your desire to marry? If so, could getting married be an act of rebellion? Consider this if you are of legal age to marry. If you don't need permission to marry, what is your payoff for the conflict?
* If you are engaged, have you discussed religion, children, careers, division of labor, in-laws and geography with your partner? If not, how do you anticipate that you'll be able to successfully merge two lives together?
* Do you feel social pressure to get married soon? It's possible that from a very young age you were taught that marriage is a right of passage and you don't become an adult or a woman until you get married. Remember that this social pressure, real or imagined, doesn't make it true. You do not become a full-fledged adult by becoming married.
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9/03/2007 11:41:53 AMOh yes and here's another one, which would compliment the question more.
http://www.drphil.com/articles...
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Are You Ready for Marriage?
Is getting married right for you? What do you need to know before you walk down the aisle? Dr. Phil advises you to take a closer look at yourself and the relationship before tying the knot. Ask yourself these questions.
Why are you getting married?
Be honest and evaluate the reasons behind your engagement. Write a list of pros and cons about your partner and your relationship. If you have to talk yourself into marriage — don't. If you have to talk your fiancé into marriage — no way! Make sure you are not getting married to escape or avoid something. Have you just always wanted to get married? That's not a good enough reason. If you get nauseous shopping for a wedding dress or seem to be sick every time you have to meet the caterer, listen to your body.
Do you know and trust your partner's personal history?
The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. Learn from it. How has your partner behaved in past relationships? How have they behaved with you? What has your partner learned about marriage from his/her parents? Look closely at your partner's parents — children learn what they live.
Have you planned a marriage — or just a wedding?
Cake, flowers and fine china are all exciting, but there's more at stake than one day. Your wedding is a day; a marriage is a lifetime. You don't just want to be married, you want to be happily married. Think about the next 50 years. Put at least the same amount of time and effort that you are using to plan your wedding into planning your marriage. Develop an emotional prenuptial agreement with your partner, outlining how you'll handle children, discipline, money, division of labor, religion, careers, in-laws, geography, etc. If you don't plan for and discuss these topics, you won't be able to successfully merge two lives together.
Are you investing more than you can afford to lose?
Look at the cost of your relationship. If you have to give up your friends, career, or family, for example, the cost is too high. If it all falls apart, are you going to be emotionally bankrupt? It is better to be healthy alone, than sick with someone else.
Have you identified and communicated your needs and expectations?
Know yourself. You can't determine if somebody is good for you if you don't know your own needs. It's not selfish to have goals within a relationship. Express your needs and expectations now — not when you're already in the marriage. What are your absolute deal breakers? Do you know your partner's?
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13/03/2007 2:57:26 PMIf you need to think about deciding, that's your head working, I'm sure you'll do fine. It's the ones who go "hello, what's your name? i love you marry me!" upon sight of an attractive person who are of concern.
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22/07/2007 4:47:08 PMlife is about taking risks. The intention is all that matters. If you feel strongly that this person is it then go for it but at least talk about the next phase with the person & then decide if it matches up with your expectations.
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When can someone decide that he/she want to get into a serious commitment (marraige) with someone?
50 pts
rookie
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