Q. Secret to a lasting marriage

Well, it's different for different couples. I've been married for four years now and my husband and I have been working side-by-side together for four months. Though it may be challenging at first, it's actually comforting to have him by my side everyday at work and at home.

We don't see each other as seperate from each other. We literally feel that we are one. It is very important to maintain your individuality and at the same time, so important to have constant communication about how you feel, where you and him stand with issues you may have in your marriage. I learnt that the hard way! (with some great help from good friends too ; ) Respect is also crucial. To be mindful of each other's things and feelings. Also, taking care of each other in little ways serves as a reminder of how much you love each other.

For instance, a husband may just out of the blue give his wife a hug or buy her flowers and a wife could prepare her husband with his favourite meal or snack without him asking for it. That's always a wonderful way to create intimacy between a couple.

It is just a simple formula:

- Respect each other
- Give each other enough private space to call one's own
- Share each other's feelings
- Always have a good talk with each other
- Marriage is like a "company" - both have to take care of its interests and well-being
- Give and take
- Do not point out flaws and mistakes
- Do not scream at each other

and many more ....... but lastly, one must have patience in a marriage.

Asker's comment:

Hi PaulChen

If its as simple as that..then we woudnt be having a high divorce rate. ;)

i can understand the above points, but not pointing out mistakes..in my opinion isnt such a good idea.

ur partner/spouse might be doing something wrong or something which can be done in another better more efficient way...if you truly care abt ur spouse and if u want them to improve..wouldn't you voice it out?

well, i'm not married, but i thought i'd give a go at answering this.

i personally am not the type that likes to be suffocated, as my own space is important to my development and thinking...

i guess that's why i've always thought having your 'own life' so to speak, is important to maintaining a successful marriage.. a means of basically get on with life, whilst maintaining a companionship..

now, i dont mean to totalyl neglect your partner and not empathise with their needs etc, but i've always been under the impression that a factor to many problems encountered in marriages is that the couple are constantly smothering each other...

also, is the idea of 'possession' an issue of consideration?

i don't want to sound confronting, but when you're married, or in a serious relationship, are couple's too possessive, or somehow, clingy to the idea of actually BEING in a marriage??

i ask this because many couples i see, tend to 'love' the idea of being married, than facing the potential for growing problems within the marriage itself.

not too sure if i'm making sense...

Asker's comment:

I like everyone's reply here. Each one of you have pointed out an essential point in the problems that will face a marriage and also how to work it out. however i feel that Shanique have given a border summarised version on making a marriage work successfully.although i feel that each one of his points can be explored more.

EbOnYTiGReSS i like your question abt people loving the idea of 'love' and hence got married for the wrong reason. that could be the main cause on why marriages fail to start with when expectation don't meet. and people somehow have a totally wrong concept of what is it to be married and to maintain it.

Thank you.

I feel so touched, suddenly I feel that I have helped in the most important journey of their life. We all are human, we all make mistakes, man and woman alike. These days, man are no longer the head of the family, I had always prefered woman and man to work cohesively together to do all the necessary family works. From upbringing of children to buying household needs.
Sometime even if all these all so called guidelines are followed, communication do breakdown, the only way is to settle calmly and with tack.
Woman forget that they have a husband after childbirth, wearing a burkah or tudung doesnt warrant you to get fat. Make yourself beautiful, make him proud, tease him, hold hands in public and giving a kiss in public also helps.Make everyday like your last day with him but by doing all this do not neglect yourself and your friends and family.
Never go to bed or leave the house angry.
Man arent the easiest to be with. And never never never raise your hand on each other and when that happens, its too late to save your relationship, you loose respect for each other. Love and make love.

reference from:-
http://www.drphil.com/articles...
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A Good Marriage

After being happily married for 28 years, Dr. Phil shares some of his thoughts about what makes a marriage work.

The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.

You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.

If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation.

Forget whether you're right or wrong. The question is: Is what you're doing working or not working?

There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it's not working and be honest when it needs fixing.

Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.

You don't fix things by fixing your partner.

Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.

You don't necessarily solve problems. You learn how to manage them.

Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.

You teach people how to treat you. You can renegotiate the rules.