Q. Husband is possibly having an affair
Assamualaikum to all,
I am new here,when i read this page,i feel like this is the place which i can ask for help and communicate with all muslim and muslimah.
I am married 6 years with a middle east man with no kids yet.My husband now just unemployed after 2 years working in Singapore due to the company closing down.Myself not working because i am not local.
During our marriage,i confessed i have done so many mistakes and i keep on repeating it sometimes.Fights and violances were happens before in our marriage.
There was 1 day my husband blews up and he revealed back all my previous mistakes to my sister after my sister found him talking with another female who he claimed to my sister she is only customer, but my husband asked my sister not to tell me about the female.
My sister saw him touch her shoulder to push her going inside the MRT.My sister asked my husband why he was doing that ? He answered there was a guy going to bang her.
Since that incident,my husband insisted want to get a divorce which he wanted from long time ago and now he acts cool to me.Last few weeks he doesn't want me to know where he is going by himself and he doesn't want to pick up my calls and i can't ask him such a questions by "who,where,why,when".
Until today Alhamdullilah he changes a bit but still with his ignorances and his loud voices reply which he said it works on me when he doing it.
I do really love my husband and i want him to be with me like the first time we are dating,i feel now is like fear of him whenever i come close to him.
He said i am selfish because i always says "i want from him to be like this or that" without thinking what he wants.
I do really don't want to share my husband with another female also i don't want to loose him in my life.
I noticed that i am like writing a diary here,i am so lost and i also don't know myself what i am asking here but i hope there are some reply for me which i can read and take a good advises from all friends around here.
I hope no one laugh for what i have wrote here
Ramadan Mubarak for all
Salam
250 points
0votes
5/09/2009 2:54:03 PM
by
the_gangster
rookie
Post Reply
Hi, Assalammualaikum,
I may not be a good advisor here, but I have background in Syariah law and I hope these would help you a bit.
Whenever a problem arises, I always tell myself to get back to basic. In your case, the problem is in the marriage - between you and your husband.
When we are married, we are obligated to responsibilities of being a wife, which are taking care of the husband and kids, and to obey the husband as far as it not against the religion. Another important point is, to like what he likes, and to dislike what he dislikes. Literally, it means not to say "no" to any of his say or request. And yes, it is a huge responsibility.
It is the husband responsibility to provide all the needs, e.g home, food and clothes. By not providing these, you are entitled for a divorce. And it is NOT your fault of not working because it is NOT your responsibility.
In the case of him going out with another woman is out of our hands because as we both know, men are allowed to marry more than one. Where he go at any period of time is out of question, because only wives have to ask for permission from the husband to go out, while husbands are free to go. I know this hurts you so much, but I am only telling you only based on Syariah law.
As a friend, what I can tell you is, husbands do not really listen to the wives. If you tell you want him to be like this or like that, for sure he would not listen.
My advice is, be a good wife, and do what a wife should do. If he is wise enough, he will see your good-doings and feel guilty of not being a good husband. If he could not see your patience, love, care and best qualities, possibly he is not wise enough for you.
"Good women are meant for good men, bad men are meant for bad women, and never vice versa."
Salam.
0votes
15/09/2009 9:23:48 PM
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by
Amy
rookie
Bis
Accepted Reply
salaam sis and amy,
i know this is an old question but i need to add a few things in.
i don't agree with a few things that sis amy have said. sorry sis.
1) when you claim that islam says this and that you need to give your references.
2) i cannot find any evidence which says that husband can go out of the house without telling the wife.
3) It is (haram) forbidden for a man and women who is not muhrim (ppl who they cannot married in the islamic law) or not married to be together or going out together, taking a car ride together..dating.. having cup of coffee..etc etc..
There are verses which explicitly says to treat your wife with kindness. im not sure how this is kindness. :S
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And live with them (women) in kindness.} [Quran 4:20]
The prophet (pbuh) said: "He is the best amongst you who is the kindest towards his wives and I am the kindest amongst you towards my wives."
the solution to your problems are in the quran. speak to a shikh who is qualified. speaking to a famiy memeber may or may not make matter worst. it depends if this family member knows the laws of the shariah/ islam. this is not a fatwa kinda issues which needs a scholar. anyone who knows their deen and have marriage experience would be able to help you. your husband participation is required.
Allah did not make the men superior to women..we all have our part to play and marriage should be mutually repected and supported by each other.
the other thing i wanna add is to seek knowledge. it is mandotory for all muslims to have knowledge of their islam and their day to day matter. when we have that knowledge we will have peace in our life because we know wht to do and wht to avoid. these kind of problem will be easily solve by the couple themselves.
also ps check out this video on the deen show.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...
0votes
22/02/2011 7:01:00 AM
by
sultana
whiz
