Salam,
I am married to a divorcee for two years now, all his childred are staying with us, praise to Allah for that. My relationship with the kids so far so good.
The problem im facing now is, 2 of the sons age above 21, 1st one of them never returns home and stays with his girlfriend. 2nd son, always like to bring girlfriends home until middle of the night. It has been a normaly thing for them to bring friends or girlfriends home in the past. I have notified my husband & keep reminding him of the problem. My husband have advice the 1st son to come back home & the 2nd son not to bring girlfriend till wee hours.
Both son did not listen. The problem here is my husband is not firm when he told his son. He is merely just saying instead of insisting when saying it. Not like father scolding a son but instead a friend just merely advicing a friend.
I feel that whatever the sons is doing, it seems that there is a burden too on my shoulders, as a muslim knowing what they were doing are wrong. Please advice me on my position as a step mom!
Salem Idah
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) was a father, stepfather and grandfather who showed us by his words and deeds how to treat children. He held small children on his lap (and did not push them off in disgust when they peed on him) and hugged and kissed them. He never hit or verbally abused a child, but taught and disciplined children with kind words, gentle remonstrance, and gentle handling such as turning their heads away from evil sights.
In my opinion, whether u r a stepmum or a biological mum, you can speak to the children regardless of their age.
Since u r alreadi married to their father, you are also their mother. You have every right to lecture them but be tactful with it as children of such age cant take lectures much.
Be patient with them, speak to them about ur concerns like it will not be a good idea to bring girls home or stay out late as their siblings take them as the role models. It will also be good to get them into family outings and gatherings. I would also feel that u can speak to the girlfriend of ur stepson about the staying over.
In islam, men and women should not be alone in a room as the 3rd party is shaytan.
May Allah help you in this. :)
You must be going through a very difficult time handling the situation . My advice ... never give up your doa' and be firm in tackling them in the absence of your husband .
Your husband , being the leader of the house and the father of the boys has to display his muslim leadership .
If I may recommend something else , put up a few signages / posters within the house/ bedrooms which is available at certain muslim bookshops " Allah melihat apa anda buat " and " sembahyang lah kamu sebelum kamu di sembahyangkan " . These are just some of the examples .
Another alternative is to get your husband's consent of getting a third party , preferably an elderly religious relative , say the grandfather , to be involved and advised them accordingly .
May Allah S W answer your doa' / prayers to have a happy family that abide by the Islamic teachings . Insha Allah . AMIN.
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