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10/11/2007 7:49:43 AMHi Weng,
In Islamic culture, polygamy is allowed with many regulations and exceptions. I will not quote any reference from our holy book, as these are not relevant to you, but I will summarize in my words from it to clear for doubts on our religious issue.
I'm sure ,even you, would know like to know the real reason for Islam's approval for polygamy. In Islam, the reason of such polygamy eliminates certain social issues or scenarios where there are high excess of women population left unmarried/widowed due to war/plaque etc..Rather than let them to beg on the street, becoming prostitute or homeless, Islam allows and encourages polygamy so that the women rights were protected and receive social standing. This is actually the only reason states in the Quran, (in chapter called "An-Nisa" translated "Women"). Ask your bf to read it to confirm himself by reading. Many muslims, but not all, do not know the real meaning of why polygamy is allowed in Islam, so I hope my clarification from our holy book ( and not my opinions) knows the true reason for polygamy.
However, it must be note that a muslim cannot marry you the first wife awithout informing the first wife (anyway it's already pretty rude/betraying for a women in the first place). Furthermore, he must and have to be able give equal rights/commitements to you (if you're married to him) and his first wife. For example, if you want to have your own private flat, he must also fullfill the same for the first wife etc...You HAVE to right to demand/sue your husband in court if he does not commit to such issues/commitment, including equality of inheritance and family rights. This equality, whether you are both married, or even divorse, applies also all of his wives, regardless of age or which is the first wife or second etc.
Thats why ,in Islam and in our scriptures, the holy quran states, that if you cannot do injustice between you and many wives, marry just one (and it's a fact and written in a Quran). It is the best, in my and your opinion, that marrying one reduces complication and allows both the husband and wife more time for love and commited. Talk to your bf about it. and you know why.
it is ok for you to even disagree what I explained. But I wanted to clarify that muslim's approval of polygamy as strictly not anti-feminine, but rather looking from a social and ethical vewpoint in a community. I pray for the best for you and my blessing to you and your bf. Do not be shy to ask any doubts about this, take this as an experience or challenge ok :)
Bless you
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10/11/2007 10:33:17 AMHi Weng
Sorry I didnt truly answer your question from the above posts. :)
Maybe I sound so insensitive to you by saying this, but I not want you to caught up with unnecessary and complicating issues in polygamy marriage of today.Marrying more than one now, can impose problems and huge responsibility for the guy in the long term run. Furthermore, think and reflect, is your bf able to be fair and equal with you and his other wife once you get married ? Will his other wife be contented with you sharing a husband?
Think for yourself firstly, in this problem. I feel this problem affects you, actually more than it affects him. The social standing of women today, is thankfull good, I feel you should be more contented for a one comfort and one single love from a husband, Weng. Marriage is long term commitment, weight your decision with true consideration on yourself, your bf, family, and to your friends and people who loved you. :)
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11/11/2007 4:56:17 PMJust remember, if he can do this to his first wife, he can do it to u too.
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13/11/2007 7:18:33 AMyeah..voegs right.
Especially on yourself lady, a second wife is not something a positive stuff in society.
And think about his wife and children..how would they think about this choice ? I can see that you are such a doting and sweet person for e one you love :) But as voeg says..if he can do it to his wife, y cant you ? I'm scared for your future, not his ( well guys can be guys...)
Polygamy is important..at times where population and society requires such as to protect the state of comunity and social health/growth. In singapore, however, there is some stigma for the meaning of second wife. That's why it'll affect you, not the guy you like, in a long term..
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13/11/2007 10:51:10 AMplease never wreck other peoples marriage. try to put yourself in his wife's shoes. what would u feel if the same thing happen to u? someone trying to marry ur husband? there's a lot of fishes in the sea. do not cause your own heart to break. u must be wise enuff to make ur own decision. women have pride.
before he leave you and said that he just wanna have fun or two-timing u with his wife, or even tell u that he will not ever give up his wife for u, just tell him that u wanna break up.
remember, retribution is always there.
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15/11/2007 4:18:11 PMHello
I ali786
I think you should't be enterfare in married couple life,,,if you love to him so you suposed to that when his first wife will confirm that her husband have releation with you so then what will be?
I think his first life will be broken then how can you start your new life?
if you want to begine your new life after heart his first faimly so you can do easly that thing...
i think you should choose other person for you so it will be more better you & your friend's life....
If i told you any wrong word so pls sorry for that ....
Ali786
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4/12/2007 3:22:12 PMDear Wang,
What the others advised you are meant for your own good.Always remember that to love someone , it is best to let him go. Especially if it will only create problem for you and also for the other party.
Since he's a married man,he will probably have children .Try to think of the effect it will have on the children. Most children from broken families have emotional problems as they do not know who to turn to.
Hope that you can rethink and reconsider your relationship with this guy and give yourself and his family the best option.
May god bless you!
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14/12/2007 2:58:38 PMAs far as I know, in the legal perspective, Shaffi school here (meaning Singapore and Malaysia) recognize marriage between a muslim man and a christian woman only when she is a decendent of people who practiced christianity before the emergence of Islam. Therefore, there is very little chance for you to be recoginized as kitabiyya (people of the book). I do not know how Syaria court in other counties recognize this issue.
I feel it is not fare to codemn the lady or the lucky gentleman about polygamy per se based on moral judgement because it is indeed permitted in Islam. It is also not fair to say 'second wife' thing as Islam recognize any (believing) wife in equal status.
By the way, this lucky gentleman is not supposed to go out with any woman other than his own wife if the situation is something I presume. Islam forbids illicit sexual intercourse (if any) AND anthing substaintially lead you to it. Merely going with woman other than his wife with certain level of intimacy constitute sin. I think there are a lot of dicourses concerining seeing female friends and seeing female for commercial dealings.
Above opinions are made in religious and legal point of view and I, as a very secular guy, would like to advise to think again as the reality is not that easy.
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im still confused about the matter. im a christian and i have read some articles that i can marry a muslim guy, but the problem is he's married already. im not ready to be his second wife, tell me what to do or should i continue the relationship even he's got obligation to his 1st family?
25 pts
rookie
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