My heart wavers

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77 popularity votes

sultana
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25/01/2008 7:08:35 AM

1) If you feel that Islam is what you are seeking in Life than go for it. It's natural to feel that you are letting your parents down and all the guilt attached to it.

Have a conversation with your parents. whatever happens in this conversation, know that in every word that they say to you lies a message that they love and care about you. Even If they say horrible things to you, tell them that you know that they love and they are concern about you. That is why they are expressing it in whatever way they know best. Even your siblings and friends they are concern about your decision.

Be courageous to have these conversation with them and Allah will guide you. Be loving in your listening to everyone no matter what they say.

2) donning the Hijab. Again i will say it's up to you. Don;t do it because of peer pressure. It's better that you do it because you really want to and you understand the beauty of it rather then trying to "fit in".

Do not feel helpless or fall into feeling like a victim about this, cause you can do something about it. It might take a few conversations. It wouldn't take overnight for things to happen but it will happen in time. Inshallah.
You can inspire people around you by being courageous. Remember things will look really really bad before it starts shifting. So don;t be discourage when things don't turn out they way you might want it to.

Hope this helps.:)
W'salaam

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40 popularity votes

Fariz
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1/02/2008 2:19:52 AM

Hi Fatimah,

Are your parents of a diffeent religion ? Conversion it is not easy in any way, I respect the strength and decision you face. Hmm..for legality of hijab from traditions(hadith), you may check up on internet. About the hijab, it states quite clearly in the Quran;

" And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss." Al-Qur'an, (24.31 An-Nur [The Light])

So it is safe not wearning hijab in the house as long the criteria is met from the Quran, esp with your siblings and parents. It is strange to see how people feel awkard about wearing hijab;so which is worse, watching your children covering themselves more or baring their skin lesser in public ? When I asked this question regarding hijab to the non-muslims, they can't get a logic and good answer to this idea, as they know the doning of hijab is a step further than being a target of sexual crime. It's the stereotype of a human culture today, and never once, I feel any christian or hindu or atheist ever questioned on the attire of a buddhists monk or a catholic nun, or a indian lady wearing a sari, be it from me or any muslims. Strange?

In tackling this problem, sometimes comparing is a good start, in fact the Quran itself always use comparisions and similitudes in its verses so that we may ponder, reflect and research in our life , beliefs or knowledge. This helps alot to clear and close the gap of mistrusts, stereotypes or misunderstanding in each other. To end, God has long emphasize in the revelation,

"He granteth wisdom to whom He pleaseth; and he to whom wisdom is granted receiveth indeed a benefit overflowing; but none will grasp the Message but men of understanding.Al-Qur'an, (2.269 Al-Baqara [The Cow])
PS:It's common for the plural use of "men" to include both men and women in Quranic verses. Its a norm in classical languages, so it's not anti-feminine like some anti-muslim "thinks". This exist alot and common in older literature and languages, as a figurative and expression of speech :)

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98 popularity votes

Mehboob
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17/02/2008 4:32:59 AM

Sis, you have to be at peace with yourself first. You need to decide what is acceptable for you and live your life the way you want to. Once you can do that, look at your surroundings, your family and see if what you are doing is good enough for them. If not, rationalize with them your viewpoint and get them to accept you the way you are. You may choose to change, but at the end it was your choice. It is too often that we put the blame on everyone else when we are are the main culprits. No one can make you unhappy, only you can. If others are making you unhappy, that is because you have allowed them to take control of your feelings and emotions. Take charge, ask Allah and set a new path & goal for yourself. Allah is nearer to you then your jugular vein. He says are there not anyone out there who will call uponMe so that I can help them.... Ask and He will respond in ways thatw e can never imagine. Wasalaam