Q. Multiple divorces - why destinied to meet many males?
Single mother of 3, 2 grown up boy and girl still in K2. Got married at early age at 16 yrs old. Given birth to my first kid at 17yrs old but my marriage went to at end after pantang.
Having a kids at very young age and have to shoulder the responsibilites,i went looking for a job and found myself as a waitress at 1 well know indonesian rest at that time.
2 yrs later i re-married again and had my 2nd child a year later.Hoping for a men who will be able to to care and love us but things never did happen. Instead even after the 2nd marriage i still work hard to feed myself,2 kids and my husband(at that time).
My husband betray the love and care i had for him,he molested my sister(13 yrs old at that time).I was torn apart between family and hubby.After giving myself 1 year to think about it,i made a decision to ask for divorce after being his wife for 5 yrs.
After much thought,he never did shoulder the responsibilities as a husband and father and he never did care our welfare.All he care abt himself.After 2nd divorce,my full focus is only to bring up my 2 kids.i work day & night to give better life for my 2 kids.
After long years being single mom,i re-married again at the age of 3rd time at the age of 35 yrs old.It happen after my brother bugging me to remarried again as my kids are grown up and he says it about time for me to think about myself.My heart still sore from my previous marriage.
My sense always right,it will happen again.After remarried again,it happen again..i was 2 month pregnant my husband left me and went back to his mom places.For your info,his mom never did accept me as i'm a single parent.Right after pantang my husband give me the talak.
Along the way when my daughter was 11/2 yrs old,i get to know this men whom is 1 of my uncle friend.I hate him at first sight.I never did plan for all this,he's married with 1 kid.Allah tested me again,from hate turn to love him....My daughter grow up knowing him as a father figure to her.My ex husband never did come to see her after the divorce.His wife knew about us.He have told his wife that he'e taking me as 2nd wife.He showered us with love and care.Along the way,1 thing i notice lately when he mentioned his problem - he's having concern about money and i ignore about it,he find fault with me.
We start to fight everyday and it about money.For your info,i never did ask money from him as i'm a working.After being silent for a longtime,we had a big fight....ugly!!!after 4 yrs beng together we went our way and 2 month have past my daughter cried to sleep and it hurt me to see her like that.
And for me to look for him because of my daughter hurting and miss him,i will never do that.What he said to my daughter and me infront of his wife,i will never forget.Allah created the destiny for all human and i accepted my destiny but sometime the feeling i had.
WHY,WHY ME? IF THE HAPPINESS THAT I WILL GET IS ONLY FOT A WHILE,WHY ALLAH CREATED MY DESTINY TO MEET A MEN ?
250 points1votes
3/10/2008 12:07:41 PMby
Marscyrookie Post Reply
Being a single parent is certainly not an easy task, and to take care of 3 kids by yourself, is a great responsibility, you have my empathy, and my respect.
The one word that is severely lacking in firm solid action is 'RESPONSIBILITY'. Nowadays, it is so easy for either party to shirk responsibility from the small matters to the huge ones. And also the word 'LOVE' is taken for granted and freely used without serious sincere commitment to act.
Also it boils down to the integrity of an individual and their intention (niah).
Do not care for what others think of you, what matters most is how you see yourself and how your children see you. And how you see yourself in the eyes of Allah (swt)
People's tongue will still wag no matter what, as they have too much free time, that they rather gossip than dzikir. They are like spectators in a soccer game, cheering when they like it, and jeering when they feel like it. But you as a player in the field, dirty and sweaty, fighting for that goal, being tackled and falling down. Only you know how it feels. Just kick the ball as how you know it and how it is taught, and also learn from experience. Your heart is now more sensitive, and sometimes too sensitive that it hurts, from every little poke from the outside.
Learn to filter, weigh the facts and feelings. If one truly loves another, they would not purposely pick arguments and fights out of small matters. They would try to settle the problem together and not view each other as the source of the problem, or worse the problem.
Marscy, one thing now is that to give all your love now to your 3 lovely children. Shower them with love, hugs, every single moment of quality time. As I can see that you don't have the quantity. Guide them well, don't let them be guided by the mass media (tv) friends. Teach them values and principles that you have picked up.
Let them be exemplary children, who says single parent children are problematic.
Do you know that if you are a good parent, it reflect off from your children. What is the point of sending children to good schools, getting the best education money can buy. And at the end of the day, when you are old, they dump you in the retirement home, or worse dump you in the hospital. And never to come at all.
I personally have seen a rich old man, who is able to go back home but none of his children came fetch him. And to hear these words from his mouth about his children. "I do not trust my children, I'll call the ambulance myself". Like a mirror it reflects, if you have shown love, been a good parent showing the good values. Your children will shower back those feelings and responsibility shown to them when they were young.
Marscy, do take sometime to pray, as I calms us down, and enables us to think better. Sort out the priorities, and plan. Love your children, love your parents.
Do not trust easily, as sometimes we end up being thrusted, by people that we trust.
In everything that happens there is hikma (wisdom) if only we knew. Think positively what can happen if you single handedly made your children good Muslims .... Marsha Allah... you are indeed blessed in this case.
The Hereafter is what we are living for. This world is a test and Allah s.w.t. has said that He willnot burden you more than what you can bear. So take the test from Allah s.w.t. and strengthen yourself in remembrance of him. Zikir and you will find the strength like never before. Insya'Allah.
i am a single parent too, but worse, i married a foreigner...
i don't understand why you have to marry again and again,
is it that you are feeling lonely or for someone to care for both u and your daughter?
you knew all along that you were having problems with guys, it can be them, it can be yourself... so the question is, why get yourself in a mess again and again????
ALLAH is there, HE is our real KEKASIH, why we need another one? HE will always be there for us, unlike guys...
Once if you r a divorcee, what guarantee is there that another man will take full responsibility for what another man did?
You r not only hurting yourself, but you are also hurting your daughter in the process, you are giving her hope again and again, i request you to be strong and you are enough for her, she don't need anybody else, anyway, she have only seen you supporting her all along....
A mother can always be both mother and father to a child, but a father can never be both mother and father.
Allah is with you. Allah is with me.
Lets us both live for our children. InsyaALLAH
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